Great Article

I know, I usually write about my experiences, but this article randomly stumbled upon during my facebook stalking simply struck me as amazing. It's not particularly well-written, (and by that I mean it's not chock-full of fancy words and quips), but the subject is one very close to my heart, and the author speaks with an honesty and courage that I admire.



Now here's my little disclaimer: I have not decided to infinitely become non-religious, and I actually do very much believe in a higher power. The entire aspect of a religious lifestyle, however, is simply not something that appeals to me at this time in my life. But I applaud (and envy a little) all of my dear, dear friends that have a courage in their convictions I may never have.

With that said, the article.

"She of Little Faith"

Have you found a church family yet?' I'd never been asked this question before in my life, but since moving to the South four years ago, I've heard it dozens of times. At first I didn't understand. Had I found a church? A family? Huh? And why did the questioner care if and where I went to church? Four years later, I now understand the question. But it never fails to rattle me.

You see, I don't go to church. I'm not religious. I certainly have nothing against religion, and I'm happy for people who are happy being religious. But I myself am not. People have asked me why, and the answer is simply, I don't know. I just didn't grow up going to church. It never struck me as unusual because I didn't live in a particularly religious area. In fact, only a couple of my childhood friends went to church. My lack of religion just wasn't an issue. That was then.

Though living in Alabama has been an amazing experience, I am well aware that I'm an outsider. I don't have a Southern accent, and sometimes I have a bit of trouble understanding the really thick ones. I don't go for Southern food much, except the occasional fried okra. And ' here it comes ' I don't watch football. Not even college football; not even Alabama vs. Auburn. But perhaps what makes me most different is the fact that I don't attend church. For one thing, my lack of religion seems to startle and unnerve people. When a new acquaintance asks, 'Have you found a church family?,' I steel myself. And then I say, 'We don't go to church.' I used to chirp, 'Not yet! We're new here.' But even I have to admit that four years is not new anymore, and I don't want to lie. I say no, and I try to change the subject, but the awkwardness is still palpable.

When I first moved here, I wondered why people assumed that everyone goes to church. I tend to harbor few assumptions about people in general. For instance, I wouldn't ask a stranger, 'Where do your children go to school?' without knowing whether she has children. To me, the assumption that everyone does anything ' goes to church, has children ' was just plain strange.

Now I understand that it is a fair assumption, and a mainly accurate assumption. Happily, most of the wonderful people I've met in Alabama have been kind to me even after knowing I'm not religious. Once a woman said to me, 'Do you know that you're going to hell?' I didn't dignify that with a response, but I thought about it for a long time. And I concluded that she had to be wrong.

Because, the thing is, I am a good person. A real-life goodie-two-shoes, in fact. I've never tried drugs before ' never even smoked pot. I've never stolen anything. I rescue injured animals. I donate money to good causes. I'm devoted to my family. I'm the kind of person people phone at 2 a.m. when their car breaks down and they need a ride. I'll admit it ' I'm actually pretty geeky, straight as an arrow, considering my idea of a rockin' evening is a bubble bath and a good book.

But, ironically, in my years here I have met various people (some of whom happen to be church devotees) who do steal, do drugs and lie. I've seen them spank their children ' hard ' and say terrible things to them. I suppose they feel God will forgive them, like religion is some sort of moral Get Out of Jail Free card. But logically, if God is that forgiving, I would guess God will forgive me for not being religious.But those experiences are few and far between, and above all, I'm glad that the people around me have something in their lives that makes them as happy as their church families do. Something so positive and good. And aside from being told I was headed for hell, my other gripes are relatively minor. I don't like it when people tell me that God has a plan for me, because I have a plan for me, too. It actually makes me a bit nervous when people make questionable decisions and assume all will turn out because of God's plan. I don't like it when people ask for prayers and get offended when I say, 'You're in my thoughts.' I don't like being told ' often via strange e-mail forwards ' that many things I consider healthy and positive are sins. Gay relationships. Masturbation. Birth control. I simply don't understand, as I'm all for tolerance. Frankly, I want people to tolerate me. Recently during a casual gathering, one of the women said, 'I find now I don't even like to be around people who aren't Christians anymore. I wouldn't want one as a friend.' The others agreed fervently. Cue Kim. Exit stage left. But I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I sat quietly with my hands in my lap, a frozen smile on my face and tried to nod at the appropriate times.

I know most church-going people probably think I'm missing something. Something so huge it can't be put into words. And as an open-minded person, I can say that I understand why they feel that way, and that maybe they're right.But for now, I find what I'm looking for, what I need out of life, in the little things: My daughter's smile. My husband's arm around me. My dogs' warm bodies curled against me. A beautiful painting by my grandmother, happy faces at a family reunion, a breathtaking sunset. And the knowledge that I'm good person, a moral person, a person who tries so hard not to hurt others. That's enough for me. I wish it were enough for everyone else.


Taken from
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